She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
