I want to stick my p in your. b.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
