I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
