have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
