The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
This baby is an asshole
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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