the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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