Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
