I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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