I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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