im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
