i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
