Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
