I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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