Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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