What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
