she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
