that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
