seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize