So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
