idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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