one two three fourrrrnication!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
