We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
