i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
