I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
