I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
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