yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
