I wanna passion pit in your ass
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
