That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
