We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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