is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
