i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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