Swine flu is the new snow day.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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