We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
