I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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