i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
