exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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