I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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