Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
