were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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