Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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