we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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