I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize