have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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