I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Randomize
