Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
