it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
