I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
