I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
