ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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