Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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