I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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