Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
When did angry sex become our thing?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
