Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
