I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
She swung at the pinata with crutches
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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