Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
