not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Someone signed my nipple.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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