i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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