I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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