Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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