I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
he high fived his dick after we had sex
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
