i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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