its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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