Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
