You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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