great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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