He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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